Reflections on Healing

When I lost my husband to terminal cancer at the age of 25, I experienced earth shattering grief in a way I had never felt before. I had experienced death, loss and grief before but this time I questioned if I would ever be okay again — if I would ever be able to feel like myself again. If I would ever be able to love that deeply again. 

And while I read the books and went to therapy, eventually becoming a therapist myself, I wanted the cure to “get over” my grief. It was not until I embarked on my worldwide wandering journey that I healed my grief by moving with it.

It is the experience of wandering with my grief that I came peace with it. I wander not out of wanting, but out of needing.

To wander is to experience life to the deepest and fullest. To travel not for the want of the destination but for the need of the journey. This has changed everything for me.

Wandering brings me into a state of meditation, of surrender, of letting go and giving myself permission to just be present with my grief.

I once heard grief described as love that does not know where to go and I always resonated with this. My grief is here to remind me of the deep love that is always within me. What a gift to experience such deep love.

In the beginning of my journey it actually felt terrifying to fully feel my grief. Could I handle sitting with the discomfort? Would I stay stuck? Would I be okay? Traveling helped me to feel my grief in a way that allowed me to realize that grief moves me when I feel it. It is a gift to feel deeply. 

Once you give yourself permission to be with your grief it changes you forever, for the better.

As I wander on my own, solo woman style now, I have found myself meeting beautiful people on my journey that fill me with inspiration and help me to find the acceptance and peace in my heart to move forward with my grief.

Wandering will show you the possibility to create a new narrative for your life while also honoring your past experiences.

I wander not because I feel lost or I am trying to “find” or “seek” myself, but rather out of a need to remain curious and open to the mystery of life: to have the courage to live life deeply and also accept the impermanence nature of living.

I learned to fall in love all over again and what a gift that is. I learned to make space physically, mentally and spiritually for the things, people and places that truly matter to me. This life is short and precious and there is always time to wander. Do not let anyone let you think differently.

You deserve a world of wander. You deserve a world of needing to wander and travel for no other reason than it will bring you back home to your heart.

And maybe this is not going to another country, but this is exploring a new place in your backyard. Or going on a walk and choosing a new path. Wandering can happen anywhere.

Create a life that truly allows you to be yourself. To live from the depth of your soul, to feel what you are called to feel and to find the courage to choose from your heart, because that is when you truly begin to live. This life is wild and we are meant to wander with it. 

Wander for the love of wandering and bring your grief with you. Let your grief guide you back to love.

Grief is a journey we must all walk at some point in our life. Everyone will be touched. Some sooner than others, but we are all here on this journey together. It is when we share it, we heal individually and collectively. And as you begin to wander with your grief you will find you are able to love even more deeply.

Be as present as you can for the journey. Feel everything that comes your way. I wander because in it I able to re-claim spaciousness and freedom. I have the opportunity to recreate myself in every moment. In this journey I learn to fall in love with myself all over again. When you find deep presence inside of yourself, you open the space in your heart to loving someone else too.

Sometimes the dark times of our life bring us to the light of our life. I choose to wander to not discover answers, but to ask deeper questions.

It is in the act of wandering that brings me a deep sense of peace and contentment of why I am here: to discover the magic and to know that I will grieve as deep as I choose to love and I will always choose to love. For the love of wandering is what I know will bring me back to my heart.

I choose to wander this earth and through it find the precious meaning of what it means to be alive, to heal, to grieve, and to gracefully love and fall in love all over again.

I wandered through my grief to find love again. While I found love for another lover, more importantly, I found love in myself again. Love in my own being, my own sacred presence.

Grief has been a gateway back home to my heart. It has brought me such deep gratitude and reverence for life again. Grief brought me home to me — all of me.